Saturday, 10 March 2007

I want...

I know what I want to do, I know what I'd like to achieve and yet when it comes down to doing and achieving I'm a bone idle SOB.

I've been meaning to tidy up what I laughingly call 'my study'. Each time I walk through the door, I glance around, glowering at the piles of paper I should file/shred - because everyone's paranoid about identity theft, though I can't imagine even the most insane fraudster, wanting to be me. Then I fire up the computer (which is beginning to beg for an upgrade) and vanish, internet bound, for hours at a time. Consequently the spiders are almost as big as I am, and, no doubt, one day soon they'll tell me to get lost.

If I snuffed it now, what would I leave behind other than a few songs and some short stories - albeit well edited. ;) I haven't added to the gene pool. I haven't saved some rare animal, fast approaching extinction; I haven't added anything to String Theory (except it easily tangles), or even found out what Dark Matter is. I've just lived, consumed, and given back nowt.

My dad, who is now sitting on a cloud, and watching over me, would be livid. God knows what my mother would think.

I never use to be this bloody lazy. And, AND, the telephone is beginning to terrify me. It's always my sister ... being cheery. "How are you doing?" she says, and I have to lie.
"Oh, you know, fine."
"And work? Going well?"
"Um, yep, works good."
I shouldn't be a 'baby brother' at my age, and if I am, she should come and look after me. Blimey, I've painted enough of her houses over the years. The least she should do is come and give my spiders a good talking too.

Oh look. I'm blogging on the internet. How unusual. ;)

I'm thinking of joining World of Warcraft, which is a Massive Multiplayer on-line Role Playing Game, or MMORPG. There are a lot of these in the internet la-la-land. Second Life is another, though that's too close to real life to be that much fun. Much better to be an elf, or a thrarg or whatever, and go on quests to fight monsters, than it is to clean and paint a home in Second Life, especially when I can't be bothered to clean and paint my real one. Talk about irony.
MMORPG's are huge. World of Warcraft has close on six million regular players. All trying to escape, like me... Hmm.


Kapitano said...

There's something somehow deeply unsurprising about the first comment being an advert, after a thoughtful and heartfelt post. One of those things that's "bloody typical" but typical of what not entirely clear.

Well, Re: Study and Spiders. With me it's Music room and Mice - the former a perpetual mess and the latter taking up residence. There's one that seems to live under the bed and lives on Yorkie bar wrappers, and another (or it might be the same one) that spends the night rummaging around inside a half-full binbag looking another mouse to have baby mice with?

The way I see it, there's time either to make a perfect working environment, or to do some work, but not both. Or rather, I have the strength to make everything hygenic and neat, or write something.

Though in fact it's generally neither, because there's always other people who need my help with their own work in their own untidy spaces.

Anyway, the point is, if an untidy room depressess you, it's probably not the untidy room which is really depressing you.

Re: Songs and stories - good ones. I like your stuff because it's good stuff, not because I like you. I just happen to like you too, which is also nice. Which reminds me, I must read the last two episodes of "Gabriel".

Re: Gene pool - I never quite understood why having children is deemed to be some kind of self affirmation. Or indeed some kind of achievement.

Salvador Dali said there are two kinds of people in the world - those who can change it, and those who can add to it. If the choice is between on the one hand having good ideas and making good art, and on the other hand raising kids...well, there's plenty of kids in the world already, and not enough good ideas and art.

Re: Fake cheeriness - why do you have to lie? I thought the entire point of having family was to support each other when they need it.

Re: Role playing games. Enjoyment is not a sin. Nor is friendship, sex, music, poetry, blogging or any other supposedly "non-productive" activity.

I'm not going to tell you to cheer up and count your blessings, because whenever anyone tells me that, I have a strong urge to punch them until they stop being so patronising. However, don't think you've "consumed, and given back nowt", because you've produced and given a great deal. Don't doubt that.

Camy said...

I killed the first comment. I hate spam be it on toast or on blog.

Your mice sound fun! I had a pair hamster when I was small, which escaped. Consequently, the house was full of hamsters.

Kitty said...

What do you want?

Camy said...

Heh ;)
I've not the vaguest idea.

Kitty said...

Sounds like a mighty fine place to start. ;)

About the papers ... I used to have piles of papers like that in my home office. I kept thinking, "I need to go through them and see what needs to be kept and what trashed, and then create files for what I'm keeping." But it was such an overwhelming thought that I would do a little bit, then put off the rest, and of course the piles kept growing. I really wanted to just cart them all out to the curb for the trash collector and be done with it.

Then a big tidal wave came along. The papers all got carted out to the curb for the trash collector. You've seen the photos. I never got to sort through the papers. It didn't make a damn bit of difference to my life.

Do what you want. If you don't know what you want in the big picture, what do you want in this next second? Do that. Then repeat that step. :)

Camy said...

Ah ha! Katrina Inc: Office clearance by appointment with God.

I've often wondered how 'he' deals with paying his household bills. Obvious really ... which would make rainstorms G's-Car-Wash Inc. 'Strictly by appointment'

Have a great week y'all! Ooooh yeah!!!